how a boudoir shoot helped me recognize the beauty in myself.

not just a photoshoot, but a reclamation of power and femininity

I think many millennials can relate to body dysmorphia. We grew up in a time where being skinny or how to be skinny was on every single page of Cosmo or Teen Vogue. Heck, the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show and Sports Illustrated covers were at the forefront of our generation. We were told that eating Special K cereal twice a day as a meal replacement was how to keep weight off. I mean, talk about their marketing team monopolizing an issue (if you can even say that), but by no means am I supportive of it.

I’m happy to see these days that we are embracing all types of bodies and the body positivity movement. Often times, I wish this didn’t come so late in life. I spent a large part of my teens and early adulthood obsessing over my body, placing restrictions on myself, and exercising for all the wrong reasons. In part, this was due to being Asian and how the Asian culture is extremely superficial and secondly, it was also due to social factors.

In middle school and high school, I wouldn’t go as far as to say I was “fat”, but in my family’s eyes, I was. I remember being called fat whenever we visited family in Taiwan. They weren’t used to seeing my size, I suppose. Or they were just embarrassed I wasn’t as thin as all other Asians and I stood out? Whatever it was, I was definitely chastised for it and constantly being told I needed to lose weight. I mean, it didn’t help whenever we tried to buy clothes in Taiwan, I had to get an XL and even then, it still wouldn’t fit me. Even today, the FIRST thing any family member ever says to me is, “Julie! Look at you! Have you lost weight?” — literally I could bet money on that being the first thing out of their mouths.