bedroom break-up: how a sleep divorce improved my health (and relationship)

we filed, and are thriving

I learned about sleep divorce a few years ago when one of my friends told me that her and her husband sleep separately. At first, I thought that was the weirdest thing and that must’ve meant she was saying they were having marital issues. I then learned another friend did the same thing, but I knew they had a happy marriage, so I was kind of confused with why people were doing this until we started doing it and it was then that I realized it was the best thing ever. I also realized it has nothing to do with your relationship issues with your spouse (although it could, but in these cases, it doesn’t.)

For as long as I’ve known Aaron, his snoring has been so bad (he has a deviated septum and we’re almost positive he has some sort of sleep apnea too that he’s going to eventually get looked at). I have to try to fall asleep before him otherwise it’ll be difficult me to fall asleep and stay asleep. Even if I do fall asleep before him, almost 6 out of 7 days of the week, I’ll be awakened due to his snoring. I will have to then wake him up so he rolls over or so he stops (for like two seconds), lol

I value my sleep because it’s highly restorative for me and aids my immune system. Being immunocompromised, I have always needed at least 8-10 hours of good sleep a night otherwise the lack of sleep really weakens my immune system and the probability of catching a cold increases. And when I catch a cold, we all know how that can go. So, truthfully, it is pretty miserable when you have a partner that snores that loudly that can compromise your sleep.

There have been several nights where I just could not sleep in the same bed as Aaron and I’d go to the guest room to sleep. We then decided that since I wake up much earlier for work and need quality sleep, we started sleeping separately during work days. On the weekends (Friday night and Saturday night), we’d sleep together.

I don’t recall when it actually changed but we then started sleeping separately every day of the week. We do have different sleep schedules and routines as well so that contributed to sleeping separately. He is a night owl while I’m an early riser. He prefers having the TV on to fall asleep, I prefer total darkness. Getting ready in the mornings was difficult too since he slept in a little later than me and I would have to tiptoe around to make sure I didn’t wake him up.

Anyway, I think we’ve been sleep divorced for about 2 years now and it has done wonders for us. We’re both fully rested every morning and we don’t have to worry about interrupting each others’ sleep due to different routines.

Sleep divorce wins

• We both can go to sleep on our own schedules.

• You have an entire bed to yourself.

• You don’t get woken up by your partner.

• You can take all the blankets.

• It does not affect intimacy.

What are your thoughts on a sleep divorce? Would you try it?

xx

-Julie